Vitamin - Kid Deficiency & Looming Villainy

 [I'd appreciate feedback on coherence and focus!]

What assumptions do people make about you?

“You seem so mature” 

“You seem very on top of things”

People my whole life have assumed that I’m older than I am. For some reason, I’m perceived as very adult-like. And I think most people mean it as a compliment, without realizing I’m having a full-on ⅙ life crisis. 

There was this one time, I was talking to some friends at school and I can’t remember how our conversation landed where it did - maybe it was the age distribution in our class, or maybe it was close to my birthday. At some point, I had to remind people I’m only 16 (or freshly 17). And I hear something along the lines of “Oh right, I forgot you were a skippy…. You don’t seem like a skippy”. While I know my friends mean well, it sometimes feels like they’ve pointed out some fatal deficiency. I didn’t get enough Vitamin Kid. 

I often worry that I’ve started down a slippery slope of lost childhood, of lost adventure. As a science and sci-fi-inclined person, I’m reminded of this scene in the time travel movie The Adam Project. The villain, Maya Sorian, is having a conversation with her younger self. The younger version (not quite as evil) is hesitant about listening to the future version of herself and aiding her immoral plans. Then the older Sorian says something along the lines of “Lady, your loneliness and regret are wasted if you don’t help me” And so of course, she’s willing to jeopardize the universe because, despite her scientific achievements, her life is super depressing. I don’t want to end up like that, always on the fast train, letting life pass me by, entering further into my evil scientist arc. 

I also don’t want to feel so restricted by expectations to be composed and ambitious all the time. I sometimes feel this weight on my shoulders to be perfect, to be put together and on top of things, when I feel like I’m melting into an oozing puddle of exhaustion on the floor. 

At newly 17, there’s a more reasonable part of me saying I still have plenty of time to transform and reinvent myself, that we really never stop doing that no matter how old we get. But with adulthood looming, I can’t help wondering that if I haven’t found that free spirit in me by now, I’m less likely to find it later. Still, I try to hold onto hope that I’ll break free of expectations and get better at enjoying life instead of starting a zombie apocalypse.